Tom and Nat were getting married, but only if they could have a reception thing here on the farm. There was nowhere really big or clean enough to entertain 300 people, so they had the bright idea to build a new barn themselves. This was decided before last Christmas and the Wedding was planned for the beginning of August so there was plenty of time for planning permission and building etc! NOT! The wedding was booked for 3rd August and the invitations were duly sent out and all accepted in May. By the end of June fingernails were starting to get severely chewed and tempers starting to get considerably frayed. Finally on Thursday July 28th, 7days before the wedding, planning permission was granted. I have never seen so many of Tom and Nat’s friends and relatives work so hard for so long. They worked on until the early hours every morning. In fact the electrics were put in at 3 am the wedding morning! I absolutely loved it! The weather was fantastic and we had a picnic every lunchtime and a bar-b-que every night. Apparently the only help I was, was cleaning up all the leftovers – but I was really good at it!

That was not the end of the banqueting. There was plenty of food left after the wedding breakfast, and even more after the hog roast at night – we were feasting on it for days. Ladies, my 6 pack nearly touches the floor!

 

There has been much hilarity here over this wedding – Nat came to the church in an open horse box, they signed the register whilst the organ played ‘The Pink Panther’ and walked out down the aisle to cheers and clapping whilst the organ played ‘The Muppets’. They then came back to the farm in the horse box whilst the local road came to a stand still with perplexed motorists looking on. Tom’s speech caused people to fall off their seats when he was talking about his 6 day erection – but I didn’t understand that one!

 

Yep I LOVE weddings – when can I get married!?

 

Full Pim XX

 


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I did read your news from the kennels and am sorry things are getting you down Debs.

Things (or rather probably me) are getting the Dragon down as well. So much so that when she saw my handy work in the kitchen this morning, it sent her scuttling off for a new Pim whacker!

Pim and the Box of GrapesShe had just been shopping, so it might have been the complete box of green grapes I’d scoffed. It might have been the entire box of red grapes I’d also finished off.

It could even have been the big bag of juicy red cherries (her favourite), that I had eaten, stones and all. Or perhaps it was that, in order to get to the said fruit, I’d broken the lid to the sugar bowl and spread sugar everywhere. Maybe it was because I had wee weed on the floor, and then trotted back and forth through my puddle all night.

 

Finally could it be she is worried I’m going to pebbledash the walls tonight, or even worse, bend over and shoot someone with a cherry stone?

 

Whatever the reason, something sent her over the edge! It’s evening now, and I’m still in Coventry. So Debs, things could be worse, you could be in my shoes.

 

I wish I had a chicken wing.

 

Fruity Pim XX

 

 


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After so many days of me leaving the fridge door open after snacking, the old fridge was to be quite frank ‘knackered’. Yesterday the Dragon bought a shiny new one. PIM PROOF. Or so she thought! It took me 10 minutes to work that one out.

Pim - The New Fridge

Pim – The New Fridge

She has not put a lock on this one, but has cunning swivelled it today so that I just cannot fit my paw between the cupboard and fridge door to hook it open with my claw.

What a spoiled sport! At least it upsets and annoys her to see the fridge cockeyed compared to the rest of the units! All her fruit is hidden on the very top of the cupboards. What cupboards I can open are tied up with baling twine. The breadbin is securely fastened and turned to face the wall so that I cannot possibly get it open. The rubbish bin is behind a bolted door. It is like flaming Colditz here. My snacking is somewhat curtailed unless I can sneak up to Tom’s sitting room and raid his fruit bowl, and I’m not sure I relish being chased back down the stairs chased by his boot (with or without his toe in it!).

 

XX Pim – now if I could just reach those grapes………..

 

 


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Last night I had the four apples in the fruit bowl. Tonight the dragon removed both fruit bowls. Who ever heard of fruit being kept in the oven? The dragon is such a spoiled sport!

Hungry Pim XX

 


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They say trouble always comes in threes. Here on the funny farm it does seem likely.

Last night I added, a punnet of raspberries, to the punnet of strawberries on Sunday night and the 2 baskets of grapes and bag of cherries on Monday night.

I also got a whole basin of peas, but as I could not easily get the shells off, I left these strewn on the kitchen floor. Dragon is distinctly unhappy, and is threatening to do a special offer. She says buy 5 of my books and get the dog free! Woe is me looks like chicken wings will be off the menu tonight

 

Even fruitier Pim XX

 

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The Dragon asked the human boys “which one of you has eaten that whole punnet of strawberries?” as she picked up the empty basket from the kitchen counter.

I completely gave the game away when I slunk off into my bed with my tail between my legs.

They were nice but I do really prefer chicken wings.

 

XX Pim (Strawberries & Cream & Wimbledon Ahhh..)

 

 


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Before I go any further, I should explain to you guys where my ‘sneck’ is situated. My ‘sneck’ is that part of my body from the tip of my snout to the base of my neck, and I do really know how to stick it into places it should never go!

I can really p..s the Dragon off, when being very affectionate, and violently shoving my ‘sneck’ under her elbow for a cuddle just as her arm is guiding a cup of hot coffee/tea or glass of juice to her mouth. I feel obliged to do this several times a day!

On the VERY rare occasions when she wears a skirt, I can make her jump by sticking said ‘sneck’ and cold wet nose up the skirt! But, friends, I have left the very best to last!!! If you really, REALLY want to irritate a Dragon, catch her when she has nipped into a stable or behind a bush for (you know what), then, with trousers round her ankles, just give her a little nudge with that ‘sneck’. Her reaction is hysterical!!

I don’t know why she doesn’t make her life simple by lifting her leg like us?

 

Still Laughing Pim XX

 


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There it was, first thing this morning, sitting in the bottom yard. It smelled wonderful.

Pim and the Fox poo

I prodded it with my paw – the aroma was divine.

Tested it with my other paw – orgasmic! I rolled and squirmed – what bliss. I dashed into the house to show everybody at breakfast my joy.

The dragon shrieked. She screamed and she swore! I was frogmarched outside to the tap and scrubbed and scrubbed some more.

She used washing up liquid. She used ‘Head and Shoulders’. She used her hands. She used a brush.

 

How was a boy to know she hated fox poo even more than the actual varmints themselves?

I HATE BATHS!!

 

Squeaky Clean Pim XX


Written by Joanna Sewell

Illustrated by Neil Houghton

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