First Published: 25/09/2014

Long Time No Write

Well guys its been ages since I spoke to you all – a few years in fact! So much has happened in those years, I hardly know where to start, to bring you ‘up to speed’ with events in my life here on the farm. I had to stop my blog when the Dragon’s computer packed up. I personally think it took serious offence at the way she spoke to it and the fact she kept threatening to ‘hoy it out the window’ when it didn’t do what she wanted. Anyhow when it stopped working the kids offered to let me use their ‘tablet’. Have you seen the size of those things!? There is no way on this earth even I could have swallowed that. When I calmed down they explained it was not the sort of tablet one had to swallow but an alternative sort of computer. They called it a ‘me pad’ or something like that. My paws just would not fit on it so that nearly got ‘hoyed out of the window’. Finally two very kind people donated me a couple of computers which fit on top of my lap – COOL I can lie on the settee whilst I write. Thanks Sarah, thanks Mandy and thanks Bobby for setting them up for me.

In the years since I last wrote much has happened on the farm. The Dragon has become a widow and a granny in the space of a few months.; She likes one but is not a fan of the other. Baby Molly is now eighteen months old. Hey guys did you know that baby people wear their puppy training pads on their own bottoms? YUK how disgusting is that!!!! They also sit right there on someone’s knee and do a ‘dump’ without any sign of trouble. Had it been me the Pim wacker would have been resurrected.

Before Christmas last year, Boomer became ill. He went into hospital, then back and forth to the vet for weeks. The Dragon had to inject him twice daily which they both hated, and he had to give up his little chocolate treats – spoiled brat – I never got as many treats! After six weeks the Dragon made a very hard decision. On the day the vet came, Dragon got into Boomer’s bed with him and they scoffed a box of ‘After Eights’, the Brat’s favorite, then the vet and nurse bent down and seconds later Boomer went on The Long Sleep and joined Figment under the tree. Now I am the sole canine, but that doesn’t mean I get double the treats (whine).

This spring the Dragon had to go into hospital for an operation, which resulted in six weeks off work. To stay fit, she started walking, once a day, slowly and for short distances at first. I loved going with her – to start with. It soon became twice a day and much faster and for long distances. When she has time, these route marches have become a habit and she drags me along with her up to eight miles at a time. I wish someone would have the nerve to tell her I am built as a sprinter not as a stayer. The speed she goes at anyone would think her ass was on fire! My buttocks are certainly smoking!!!

Anyhow that is basically all the news since I last wrote. I will tell you everything in more detail when my paws have stopped smarting from my last speed march. Remind me to tell you the tale of the funeral director.


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