First Published: 19/01/2014

The Christmas Holiday

Well guys, this holiday started so very well. Boomer and I each got such a big bone four days before Christmas, and the Dragon got £200 she never expected – we were all well excited! As the Dragon is a confirmed insomniac and only ever seems to fall asleep in front of the television, she determined to buy herself a telly for her bedroom in the hope of getting a little more sleep. The Snitch and I set about enjoying our bones. Boomer ‘gummed’ his all day, however I chewed all day and all night. The next day I chewed all day and all night – my teeth were becoming remarkably white!

Pim ToiletOn the day before Christmas eve I was a little under the weather – constipation – how embarrassing. The Dragon applied liquid paraffin down my sneck and by lunchtime I was a little better. However by evening I was quite distressed and she had no option but to take me to the emergency vet about 9.30.

Nat offered to come with us. Now the Dragon is full of cold and her nose is bunged up, Nat’s however was not! She said I smelled like something which could gag a maggot so we drove all the way there with the front window down so Nat could breathe. The Dragon on the other hand froze to death. After 3 injections and 2 cat enemas we were sent home with the advice ‘if no better in the morning take him to your own vet’. That will be £191.78 please – there goes the telly.


I was not better in the morning so off we went to Keighley. “He is pretty bunged up” was the vet’s diagnosis once I’d finished squealing, crying and yelping any time she went near my nether regions. “Best give him a general and I’ll rake him out”. WHAT!!!! Have you seen the size of the rakes the Dragon uses in the stables or garden?! I was out of there as fast as I could go – or at least to the end of my lead! Struggling was no use against the 3 of them – I was dragged screaming to another room where the process was to begin.

To be fair, I really remember nothing about it until I came round and the Dragon came to collect me. “He’s not really very brave is he?” I remember the vet lady telling the Dragon. NOT VERY BRAVE! I don’t think she would be very brave either if she was going to have a draining rod up her bottom with or without anaesthetic! Liberal quantities of liquid paraffin were poured down both my front and back orifices, but apart from the ‘John Wayne’ walk, I did feel better.


The upshot of the whole fiasco is that we will never be having those sort of bones ever again, and the Dragon will not have a telly in her bedroom.

She says that she will take me upstairs to the bedroom and look at my £700 arse until she drops off! Merry Christmas Dragon.


John the Wayne Pim XXX



Postscript; Tom, Nat and the Dragon went to a party a couple of days after Christmas. They did not expect to be away long – they were.

She forgot to lock the breadbin, where I found a full loaf of bread and 6 very large breadcakes. Yum Yum! And what was that on the table? A brandnew box of chocolate biscuits someone had given her for Christmas. It did take me most of the night, but I finally got the lid and cellophane off, and scoffed the lot as well! Yum Yum! To be fair I did leave her 2 steaming pressies on the floor. Yes I am well better. Happy New Year Dragon!


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